So...this is a first...

...in the "I Can Haz" saga.

Went provisioning this morning and got myself one of those prefabricated roast beef hoagies. Got home and put away the perishables and set about unwrapping my sammich.

The Kid was around, probably antagonizing a cat, but not at attention at my feet when I'm attempting to eat.

No sooner had I torn open and applied the mustard and mayo packets, The Kid arrived to ask "I can haz?".

He demonstrated his intent by repeatedly shoving his snoot at the plated hoagie in my lap. 

"No! You cannot haz!", I said pushing him back.

He rebounded like furry lightning and *yoink* nabbed the top half of the hoagie roll and proceeded to bolt. 

"You little BASTARD! Drop it! Drop! DROP!!", I bellowed. He dropped it.

You cannot haz.

Post script. Despite the tooth marks, saliva and the odd bits of deleterious materials the roll picked up, it was still pretty good.

He's not sorry in the least.

Dieting Dogservations

So.

In protest, I assume, one of the three cats that are currently being fed, watered and sheltered from freezing to death in 18°F nights left a rather ripe deposit right out in the open...in the game room, on the tile, below a window that opens to the living room.

"Dammit, the pup dropped a load. I can smell it." I said.

I go to investigate and deal with the source of the odor only to find The Kid happily munching on the still steaming Cat links.

Jibbers Crabst! I'm not kissing that pup for at least an hour.

Now you're not hungry.

You're welcome.

Well...poop.

I thought I smelled a fresh deposit from The Kid, which was baffeling becuase I'd whitnessed both barrels fired over our lunch break. I was puzzled. I couldn't find the leavin's anywhere but the smell was definately ripe in the house. Where is it. I have to find it before Jess or I or worse, The Kid step in it and spread it to the four corners of the house. I checked all the usual "oops" locations where The Kid liked to frequent but nothing. Where the hell did he leave his present‽  

Flummoxed, I stoped worrying about it and finished what was left of my lunch and set about wrassling with The Kid before I had to return to work. After a while, I got tired of being chewed on and returned to my easy chair and crossed my legs...

That's when an odd sillouette caught my eye. My shoe was misshapen and grotesque. It was back lit so I could not discern what was filling in what would ordinarliy be the void in the underside arch of my shoe. It was then, as I moved closer for a better view that the smell hit and the two remaining brain cells I have, collided and shocked me to the realization of just what I'd stepped in.

Oh, I hope you're either done with your meal or it's a ways off. 

The itch button...every dog has one

Ain't no rest for the wicked...

Dogservations:

Gleaned second hand by way of my ill Wife. It can be taxing to have a rambunxious 14 week old Corgi running amock around on the sick bed. You try to sleep; he wants to play...and chew...and lick...

Feel better, Jess ❤️

Corgi occupation

Catservations:

I'll attempt this in my best imagined Kitteh internal dialogue.

"It has been twenty days since this flighty little yapper has intruded on or domestic bliss. When the big flighty yapper left us in July, we ruled these humans for nearly five months. 

Now, all my humans do is ooh and awe over this tiny hellion. They seem oddly tolerant of its lack of toilet manners and are constantly removing shoes from its vicious mouth and shoving toys in its needle-tooth lines maw.

Momma is not amused.

"I can haz sanctioned chew thing!"

Eventually he rests

The Kittehs are holding back

Both cats, normally tolerant at best and adversarial as a rule, have both ended up in my lap within inches of each other...attempting escape from The Kid.

I'm puzzled neither Momma nor Duncan have gutted this puppy. The tolerance for canine abuse is remarkable.

I'm grateful they have not dissemboweled him but I find their reserve curious.

*The ink had not dried before the Kittehs took a swing at each other. Their animosity, apparently, trumps molestation  by the new Corgi pup.

Drop it...DROP IT

So...the youngin' has found a lust for socks. I shouldn't be surprised but I am amazed at his resourceful dodges. This kid is on fire and I'm just sitting back, laughing at my Wife.

"Drop it. NO! Drop!" He found another sock, hidden in the fold of a blanket.

Jibbers Crabst this Corgi is fast!

Is it wrong to take such joy watching your Wife chase a Corgi about?

"Love" Taps

Negotiations with Momma are ongoing...

Trash

If ever you were negligent or lazy about collecting all the deleterious materials that  end up in your yard, either by wind or just absentmindedness...by all means get a puppy.

They will all be picked up and attempted to be et by said puppy.

Sweet Jibbers Crabst, what are you chewing on now‽ 

The pain is real

Up until recently...five minutes ago recently I would have been 100% on board with Legos being trod upon as the top ten of painful things one can step on...that was until I stepped on a well chewed piece of cow hide.

Formed by a most dedicated set of needle shaped Corgi teeth, I dare say this   Carpet Urchin ( rawhide dog chew ) I just dislodged from my sole wins the prize for pain.

Bitter

Dogservations:

While it has not been employed (yet) with Auggie, I always felt these bitter, anti-chew training sprays were more about training your dog to enjoy the bitter and sour flavors ( ignoring sweet, umami and saltiness ) of such items as: The Cat, that piece of lint, that extension chord, those socks you just took off, the other cat, litter box treasures, the third cat who got bolt and said "f*ck it, I'm going for it." and literally any other item that is undesirable to allow ones pup to flop his gums over.

Take advantage of natural habits...

Dogservations:

The Kid, Auggie, is but ten weeks and only with us since the Giving of Thanks weekend.

Of course we're working on recall. 

"Come" Nothing.

"Come" Nothing.

(Peeks out and sees the Kid harassing Momma, the Kitteh. *Lightbulb*)

"Momma, come here"

Kitteh makes for the door with the Kid in hot persuit.

Bingo. The Kid AND the Kitteh are both inside.

Baby steps.

No abandonment issues

Dogservation

Thus far, the kid is very tolerant of being sequestered several hours a day. We spend the rest of our time trying to "make it up to him" with the requisite belly rubs and rudimentary training; come, stay, don't chew that, for Jibbers' sake don't chew that, seriously by Satans bollocks don't chew that and good boy.

Puppy breath smells like coffee

Dogservation:

Jess and I were fortunate to have almost three lazy days with Auggie. We could wrestle with him and try to get him into the habit of using the great outdoor latrine. It's early still but he seems to be getting the idea. But Monday hit and we had to resume our work schedule.

It was this morning, in the wee hours while brewing coffee and having recently rolled the boy for some belly rubs that I realized, puppy breath has a similar smell to fresh brewed coffee.